GoodBye

Goodbye online diary, you were my source of hope, and a record of the struggles I seem to be born to keep enduring. Part inflicted by myself, part inflicted by others.

Paris Bound

I went to Paris for a Podiatry conference in April, and I could feel it, the unrest, the uncertainty, I felt the same in Germany, a loss of innocence, the world had changed? The conference was fun, but Paris it didn't feel fun, perhaps because I only normally visit the tourist attractions, perhaps because the price of things had gone up. I went to the Eiffel Tower twice but still didn't make it to the top, perhaps next time?

Picture say it all

Picture my memories so I can say on the last day of days, that I did live and knew of sunny days in strange places Met with the people of the world and knew happiness, shared my scattering of lessons learned from an upside down world, Let it be said I knew true pain and despair but also the glow and warming nature of love and loved others and their woes. And when all is said and done and the night looks to become an eternal long road with no landmarks to be guided by, that I did live, and lived as well that could of been done in the place that I stood.

Think I have a problem

I have always enjoyed owning over experiencing which from my experience of the world, tends to be a working class thing, but I have yet to go on holiday to any life affirming places, so when I return from short breaks I usually lament on how much money was spent. But I have just purchased my 4th novelty print skirt, the combined cost with customs fee a trip to New York, psychological I know this is a response to going from finally an okay salary to 'im classed as impoverished'in order to study and this is 1st year, only 1 semester of 3 years, so money has never mattered so much, but yet I have more savings now, then I ever did full time working and debt free for now, so perhaps thats why I am having so much difficulty with control. n can you please get with the new program? A few of the vintage items due to hit ebay from now until 22nd November essex_lolly update... who knew it would be so hard to sale actual vintage pre 60s, I guess modern people only will buy if someone famous is wearing it, so selling my corset was fine.

Catch Up 2013-2015 Some pictures of Happiness

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A funny thing happened- The Deadbeat

Have you ever been at the point where life got super sweet again? Dating, holidaying, buying the things you wanted and then something from the past reappears? Will I had that, while deadbeat Dan is far away, the last girlfriend tried to make contact with me. Trying to be the good female, I did warn her and her family, I even gave her a warning that he will use it for all you can give, get you pregnant and move on to the next one. Which was exactly what happened, at first I was annoyed she wanted my forgiveness, she wanted to be told she was a poor victim, unfortunately I told her the truth, men like him can only do this to you if you allow it. I'm infertile is the old age trick a guy says to get out of using protection. It was her choice to not use protection. She was still holding onto the idea that it was love, bearing in mind he moved from me straight to her family accommodation, he wasn't kicked out and been secretly dating her for 3 months, enough time to save for a deposit. He pretended he was infertile and I even told her, for a fact that was a disgusting lie, way before she got pregnant. Of course this made me angry how dare she come and say poor me. She didn't lose her home from this, she wasn't made out of pocket and had to work near to exhaustion and she didn't lose 2 years of her life trying to change her life. She was a student, looked after by her parents with cute pictures of her baby on Facebook, gushing messages about how she always wanted to a young mum and I contrast that with a women I knew the same age as my ex, 30yr who was left holding the baby, who had to go to a shelter as her job didn't pay enough for baby and her family thought her too grown up to go home again. And I replied back, you didn't want to know and you wanted your baby you have no reason to be unhappy or to ask for my forgiveness, he only gave you what you want, you ignored your gut, ignored your friends and family you wanted the fantasy as I did too. People do bad things to us because we often let them.

1950s Saul Steinberg skirt

Wow novelty print skirts are now ridiculously priced and it has become hugely competitive to get a good one at a price that isnt the equilvent to be held at hostage. You may think that statement is a tad of an over statement, but I started vintage shopping when items where as cheap as getting a skirt at Topshop and Im not that old, vintage was meant to be fun, now it seems more of an investment, to get value of this no more shopping for the next year okay. Im not going to lie, realistically it is not worth the money as I have other novelty skirts in almost perfect condition, but it is sure cool and I have yet to see this in any of the vintage shops I have ever visited, so new to me and maybe to you.

I didn't die I just became more fabulous

When I was younger I did reimagine my life if I had been born male. You see my mum always wanted a boy and made out that the fact I was female was a great inconvenience. And as I got older it does seem they get the better end of the deal oof life in all things,they are babied alot longer, their mistakes are easily papered over but if us females make a mistake, why it's always we should have known better, and don't get me started with caring for the kids, longer after the man has left. But I don't know any guy who has slogged as much as I have and picked themselves back up and up again without running back home and financed their own second chances (now at uni). You think my mum would be proud? No, she hopes I havnt made a big mistake, other females are often our enemies. Well at least I have these Sun Slatz glasses to wear, while I battle on.

We are truely only alive, when we have almost died

They say time is a healer, but I don't think that's strictly true, I think its more of a case that you accept what's happened, that its forever changed you, that it has forever changed the way you see people. And for a long time I did dislike people, I disliked the people who apparently had foresight for what was to come but were not a good enough friend to ever voice it. I disliked guys who didn't accept that they had treated their girlfriends meanly before finally moving on to the next ones and more importantly I disliked my own family for being estranged from one another so that I couldn't recognize what real and healthy relationships were. Last week I was asked for forgiveness from a person who didn't want to know the truth, they were no friend to me but I decided to give them the truth so that they may understand it when it happens to them. Now they know the truth but they only really wanted my sympathy for an event they caused and truly wanted to happen, I think I dislike these types of people the most, the people who don't really want to see, because I was once one of them.

Daniel J O'Brien aka Deadbeat Dan ( London )

I still have received no money from Daniel J O'Brien (Daniel O'b), who still being supported by his new girlfriend was able to stay in London. So him being a scam artist was rewarded, I did take it to a small claims court but as his new friends are protecting him, its unlikely they will be able to serve it to him. The worst feeling and still is was it was never real for him,as time went on I got the full story, he pretended to be single and told his new girlfriend he was saving to move out. At the same time he wanted me to pay to move to Bermondsey where she and some of his work friends lived, I was the means to get things he was to pathetic to get himself, he saw me as an easy target and over the year he slowly parted me from my money. He knew my dreams, yet he happily destroyed them, worse he wasted my time and kept in a relationship that was never going anywhere and in a job I hated all so that he could be supported. He had the audacity to bring his girlfriend to my work place to barter a £10 a week payment which at that time was my weekly food budget, yes he picked a girl who was so happy to have a boyfriend finally, that she still wanted to go with a guy you fakes a relationship for free bed and board. When I went back to Reading in Feb, I spoke to his family, who told me he had done this before, clearly not giving a damn about other people runs in his family as well. As far as I am considered ,Edwina and John O'Brien are just as complicit as him in this fraud. I was put in debt and had no room of my own for 4 months, I lost loads of weight due to being broke. Im back in the situation that I was in 2011, hardly any money, debts and isolated. If I saw him again would happy push him in front of the nearest moving vehicle or down a flight of stairs, non fussed.

Daniel J O' Brien (Deadbeat Dan of Bermondsey)

I have not been on here much because I have been paying for a £3k scam, and trying to erase the lie I have been spun for a year and 3 months. In June my boyfriend and former finacee Daniel J O'Brien moved down unexpected from Reading, while I was recovering from major surgery, looking for work and a place to live, funded by myself. He had 9 months to save, had me running round prior looking for work in Portsmouth as he wanted to start a new life together there (looking back he was actual not a nice man). He secured work at an Islington pub, then lost it before finding his niche at Goodmans field pub a JD Wetherspoons Pub and we moved into a flat. I helped financed and supported his move to london as it looked like he was going to be long term unemployed and if you love someone you are meant to help and support them? He caused me so much stress I had to be readmitted as the procedure didn't heal. Your Mum tells you about, cheats, fakes friends and those internet scams but not about fake boyfriends out to rinse you for all you got. To cut a story short when I started asking to pay his way, he found a girl whose never had a boyfriend (see he picks easy women) to spin stories he found her at the new workplace, yes he probably was looking for a new cash cow at the last place but there where no takers. And new friends to let him sleep on their couch she has plenty of them being a student ( he liked to pretend he was cool, when he isn't). The worst thing he was earning enough to leave, he wasn't giving it to me! But drained me to the point I was in debt. As I read the Grazia magazine article too late, here are the signs. Signs your boyfriend is a financially abuser and Plain Shady 1)He into everything you are(at the start) 2)Little friends that have known him a long time and not close to family or respected 3)Claims to have done amazing things in the past, but has no mementos or pictures 4)Angry outbursts (blames other people a lot) 5)Depressed and sick (havnt we all been? But he requires you to drop everything 6)Always pointing out things he likes, but hardly buys you anything 7)Makes you pay most of the time and claims to miss manage his money 8)Has prior debts he ignores 9)Unreachable some days (wants you to be always chasing him) 10)Is given a lot of help but still can not pay his way, even though you have survived on less 11) Has a lot of stories, sob stories about himself 12) Your family don't like him, accuse him of slowing you down or is aggressive 13)Problems with addictions or claims to have prior 14)Claims his last girlfriend was abusive or unstable (yes when they calculated how much money they have been scammed for) Or if in doubt be careful a man who looks like this is 29yr and from Reading and goes on so much about loving Wolves and being one. Hes not, hes an urban fox instead,survives on scraps and manky. current fb names Daniel O'b,(main) James Brien (image), Danny O'Brien, Dan Brien (E Cullan)