A funny thing happened- The Deadbeat

Have you ever been at the point where life got super sweet again? Dating, holidaying, buying the things you wanted and then something from the past reappears? Will I had that, while deadbeat Dan is far away, the last girlfriend tried to make contact with me. Trying to be the good female, I did warn her and her family, I even gave her a warning that he will use it for all you can give, get you pregnant and move on to the next one. Which was exactly what happened, at first I was annoyed she wanted my forgiveness, she wanted to be told she was a poor victim, unfortunately I told her the truth, men like him can only do this to you if you allow it. I'm infertile is the old age trick a guy says to get out of using protection. It was her choice to not use protection. She was still holding onto the idea that it was love, bearing in mind he moved from me straight to her family accommodation, he wasn't kicked out and been secretly dating her for 3 months, enough time to save for a deposit. He pretended he was infertile and I even told her, for a fact that was a disgusting lie, way before she got pregnant. Of course this made me angry how dare she come and say poor me. She didn't lose her home from this, she wasn't made out of pocket and had to work near to exhaustion and she didn't lose 2 years of her life trying to change her life. She was a student, looked after by her parents with cute pictures of her baby on Facebook, gushing messages about how she always wanted to a young mum and I contrast that with a women I knew the same age as my ex, 30yr who was left holding the baby, who had to go to a shelter as her job didn't pay enough for baby and her family thought her too grown up to go home again. And I replied back, you didn't want to know and you wanted your baby you have no reason to be unhappy or to ask for my forgiveness, he only gave you what you want, you ignored your gut, ignored your friends and family you wanted the fantasy as I did too. People do bad things to us because we often let them.

We are truely only alive, when we have almost died

They say time is a healer, but I don't think that's strictly true, I think its more of a case that you accept what's happened, that its forever changed you, that it has forever changed the way you see people. And for a long time I did dislike people, I disliked the people who apparently had foresight for what was to come but were not a good enough friend to ever voice it. I disliked guys who didn't accept that they had treated their girlfriends meanly before finally moving on to the next ones and more importantly I disliked my own family for being estranged from one another so that I couldn't recognize what real and healthy relationships were. Last week I was asked for forgiveness from a person who didn't want to know the truth, they were no friend to me but I decided to give them the truth so that they may understand it when it happens to them. Now they know the truth but they only really wanted my sympathy for an event they caused and truly wanted to happen, I think I dislike these types of people the most, the people who don't really want to see, because I was once one of them.

Daniel J O' Brien (Deadbeat Dan of Bermondsey)

I have not been on here much because I have been paying for a £3k scam, and trying to erase the lie I have been spun for a year and 3 months. In June my boyfriend and former finacee Daniel J O'Brien moved down unexpected from Reading, while I was recovering from major surgery, looking for work and a place to live, funded by myself. He had 9 months to save, had me running round prior looking for work in Portsmouth as he wanted to start a new life together there (looking back he was actual not a nice man). He secured work at an Islington pub, then lost it before finding his niche at Goodmans field pub a JD Wetherspoons Pub and we moved into a flat. I helped financed and supported his move to london as it looked like he was going to be long term unemployed and if you love someone you are meant to help and support them? He caused me so much stress I had to be readmitted as the procedure didn't heal. Your Mum tells you about, cheats, fakes friends and those internet scams but not about fake boyfriends out to rinse you for all you got. To cut a story short when I started asking to pay his way, he found a girl whose never had a boyfriend (see he picks easy women) to spin stories he found her at the new workplace, yes he probably was looking for a new cash cow at the last place but there where no takers. And new friends to let him sleep on their couch she has plenty of them being a student ( he liked to pretend he was cool, when he isn't). The worst thing he was earning enough to leave, he wasn't giving it to me! But drained me to the point I was in debt. As I read the Grazia magazine article too late, here are the signs. Signs your boyfriend is a financially abuser and Plain Shady 1)He into everything you are(at the start) 2)Little friends that have known him a long time and not close to family or respected 3)Claims to have done amazing things in the past, but has no mementos or pictures 4)Angry outbursts (blames other people a lot) 5)Depressed and sick (havnt we all been? But he requires you to drop everything 6)Always pointing out things he likes, but hardly buys you anything 7)Makes you pay most of the time and claims to miss manage his money 8)Has prior debts he ignores 9)Unreachable some days (wants you to be always chasing him) 10)Is given a lot of help but still can not pay his way, even though you have survived on less 11) Has a lot of stories, sob stories about himself 12) Your family don't like him, accuse him of slowing you down or is aggressive 13)Problems with addictions or claims to have prior 14)Claims his last girlfriend was abusive or unstable (yes when they calculated how much money they have been scammed for) Or if in doubt be careful a man who looks like this is 29yr and from Reading and goes on so much about loving Wolves and being one. Hes not, hes an urban fox instead,survives on scraps and manky. current fb names Daniel O'b,(main) James Brien (image), Danny O'Brien, Dan Brien (E Cullan)

2012 round up

Food, love, new places, new faces and alot of gifts to myself.

Phew its 2012

I can already say that my 2012 is already 10 times better then 2011, so forget the resolutions my aim is to just to earn, earn and earn.
So this January I will see this exhibit

Queue up for Leonardo da Vinci and get my first manicure.
Bye bye to 2011 you wont be missed.

Not low enough

What a difference a week makes. I was so optimistic, finally I have a job that pays me enough to have a life! I can finally go places have plans and not just dream about them, all destroyed with a bit of paper from the hosiptal.
If only I could of predicated the the future I would of known I would need every penny I can get and I couldn't afford to give up a low paying permanent job for a better paying new job, tears a ready. Time to start selling again, time to keep trying again.

Dress of the Month & The Horror

Finally eBay UK has some decent 50s stuff! These horrockses are lovely but they are sure to sell for around the gulp £300 mark.

I have moved to my new place its 15 minutes further up the road and too it has its problems.
1) Beg bugs those black flecks on the mattress are not dirt its faeces. Of course the landlord tried to blame me suggesting I had bought them from my last place, as I am allergic to the bites that's unlikely. Don't like landlord No1
2) Last one in gets the least amount of cupboard space, have to buy more frequent because lack of space.Spending more money on food.
3) Place is a money pit, its seems the local area has a large population of gnat being bitten by them and beg bugs, equals consumption of lots of anti bites remedies and Rio Health Oil.
4) Landlord talks alot and does stuff early in the morning. Don't like landlord No2.
At the moment I am sleeping on the floor and washing my clothes every other, that place in Chadwell Heath is looking mightily nice.

Extra costs now hitting £70 excludes mattress encasement.

Starting Small

I have been looking at the size of rooms and realise I have too much stuff and a keeping the wardrobe may be a problem. At least I have nearly 4 weeks so I can see if the local charity shop can take the wardrobe and table for free.
Typically I know no one who has a car at the moment so I have to pay for a removal van as well, more costs.


look at all the pretty vintage brooches! The fabric I wanted has been bought, so now I am itching to buy something else. I have the Pepin Press book, I got it for under £14 on Amazon through other sellers. Its a good book to look at, even better if you want to try and date your 50s fabrics or look for similair, the CD has lots of images of fabric.

The fundraising Game

I had a feeling yesterday that if I didn't do something I would miss out. I went to the assessment I bought CV, passport and bank details. I wasn't asked for any of
(weird), I didn't get an interview (more weirdness). Then was told I got the gig, the other guy who was also selected asked what our targets were, I was too excited to ask. We have one months trial only and had 5 people a day to sign up at £10. I was so excited I had to call someone. Later on I started thinking why would someone donate £10 a month when so many charities are begging for money? On the, train it was for Japan, at a store it was little children's charity at work its for cancer and children's and then you are sponsoring friends for walks or marathon. The answer was clearly no but it was nice to feel hopeful for a few hours. Should of taken a picture so that I can remember what happiness looks like.
At least I have chinese

Feeling blue

Today I am feeling blue, in fact very sad. At work today I have received many requests for job information from people new to the town, great more groups I have to compete with for work. I didn't get the job interview for a job I applied for last year with a different company which resulted in an interview. I did get a job interview for one of the worst paying retail jobs I have ever had, I did this job 10 years and now I am forced to try and go back. The shopping centre is already recruiting even though it not due to open till September. The job market is worse this year, there seems to be even less mobility for changing careers and the pay has dropped, I have been shocked that some retail jobs are paying more than a beginning role in the public sector (normally higher paid). Everyone in my family now seems at risk of losing their job. Jobs are going in the public sector so those made redundant are stealing jobs in the private sector forcing people to take even more lower paid jobs. It has taken 9 months just to get this first retail interview for a shop assistant, even though shop retail is considered a low status job and low paid.
It seems these last year and half are many steps back work wise.

New Year Joy!

Did you have a Happy New Year? Did you dance and drink champagne and dazzle in sequin and velour? I tend to avoid New Year eve, if there is no plan, I stayed at my Aunts, was educated in the terms of Brut and Pommery. I was feeling a bit fortunate when I won champagne as part of my raffle prize until I found out it was made out of left overs. The rest of my raffle prize consisted of Carmel nuts, chocolate truffles, chocolate and Christmas pudding, was not well received by the people that tried them. The Carmel nuts were described as salty, the truffles weren't nice, 8 chocolates pieces wasn't enough. And the Christmas pud made people way too familiar with the toilet.
One of my New Years pledge was to became less dead pan, so all I could think of was a comment that it was freebies sent to my work place and you can't look a gift horse in the mouth. Yes 1 day into the new year and it already sucked, just like before.


Worst Luck and More it Suck's
I missed my prize, I entered a competition via The Mysterious Life of Metropolitan Housewife blog and actual won, but because I don't have Internet access, and I was staying in places that don't have Internet I couldn't claim it in time. I have the worst luck in prize giving. Winning beauty products that you are allergic too, winning tickets to a weekend festivals, after lending money to family. My upcoming jury service has really ballsed up my job chances, as the job I really need and wanted, assessment day is during my jury service, and I already deferred due to financial hardship.
You see, I have the worst luck.
Just waiting for the "luck" to continue, rent increase and officially it will be a worst year then last year.

Can you spare a dime?

Three times this week I have been asked this week for money. Just because I have some income doesnt mean its spare, usual if I have anything spare its because I havn't been paying enough out. The first time this week was the RSPCA a animal charity asking me for £7 a month, now I have £10 left in my account of my actual salary why? I bought a pair of shoes for work as the ones I bought 3 months from the seconds shop, have fallen apart and it was cheaper to buy a new pair. I bought another pair for my mother as she was complaining that she didnt have flat shoes (xmas present) spent £7 on chinese as upset as a housmate had left the toilet very messy and left it. Spent money £6 re dye my work gear, as I dont want to have to replace my skirt and trousers for a job like this. But the real reason I am broke is because I in a 5 week month and technical I am short of my salary of about a week, and I didnt realise how much the essentials cost and what was an essential to me. I didnt realise how depressing and costly living in a dirty flat would be, I now have developed allegies itchy skin blocked nose (a blessing) My careful food budget has gone up as I am spending more money on air freshners and cleaning products.(A) I live with a stankey person (B)My room is a sauna so my vintage clothes and cheap leather shoes have low level smell. Didnt realise how depressing shopping for bargins would be and there are alot less of them avaiable. I have developed an expensive chocolate pick me up habit, that also comes out of the food budget.
The second request for money was for the work Christmas Party, £10 deposit and apparently more to be paid later, now I only have £10 left of my actual wage left and the thought I have to pay out more in December for a work Christmas party when its another 5 week month is not happening. When people see me working in my job, they sometimes say, "that must be a good job." I feel like saying no its not as its only part-time and I dont live at home. I thought I would get part time retail work as I have lots of expereince but I havnt had any interviews, only the two interviews I had for housing roles, weridly. The third request was from a homeless person, now down to my £6, after runing out of toothpaste, pasta, bread and mints, I said no. I hate the way being on a low salary has made me mean,I no longer put a washing up liquid out as no ones puts into a household fund. Actually the reason is I bought a brand from a different supermarket and its lower quality. I have stopped contacting my old firends as really they always wanted me to come down to my old town and drink in the pub which was boring then and still is now, as none of us lead interesting lives and half are continously unemployed, the conversation is limited. Cant wait to March as its usually after I have been somewhere 11 months that I get another job, just in time for my Bank to call in my overdraft. One step forward half a step back the story of my life.

All Quite

I would like to tell you I have been too busy, but actually I have become bored of life, and no longer feel like posting. While I have had some interviews for roles with good prospects, I have yet to be that 1 person in 10, who gets that role, and now that it is coming to the Winter month their is a good chance I will be stuck in my situation for a further 6-10 months. And the thought that I have to renew my contract at my digs, espeically as the hygiene levels have dipped, really makes me feel so low.
This unhappiness has made me think to much about my childhood and the woman I feel, didnt do enough to help or support me. The time I need really need her guidance and support she is so much further into her dream world.
I know this feelings and the situation will pass,as they always do but it seems that nothing has really change, as a child I would watch Charlie And The Chocolate, wondering when things would change for me and my Mum, but they didnt really I just grow up and was able to finally pay my own way.

All last week was a Bean feast

I have to say my experience of mental illness has been limited, yes I know quite a few people who are on medicine for depression, but I don't have to deal with their conditions everyday. I live in a basic place, that all I could afford on my wage, so even then the morale is low. My flatmates aren't clean they do nothing towards household duties and one of them smells. His room smells, he sprays his room with fragrance sprays, but ultimately its a smell that comes from having an unclean room, morale even lower. But something that has really getting me angry is the bio polar girl, I assume this as she has screaming matches with her boyfriend, one day best friends the next enemy. She leaves stuff everywhere and it takes days for her to clean up and she is the messest person in the house, I spend quite a bit of my time cleaning up after her. I am angry all the time as people with bio polar are denies, but since she isnt family or a friend I dont see why I have to babysit her. Living with a bio polar person drains your energy because you have to be understanding of them all the time, at the minute I cant sleep and I am living on a diet of sugar.
My job sastification has reached an all time low as this job keeps me in a negative situation as well as their inability to pay my overtime which has meant I have had to spend alot of time in the flat, during a 5 week month. This is what the 2nd circle of hell must be like. The only thing that has kept me going gaga, and not slaughtering my flatemates for real, is some vochers from M&S and since M&S is not what it used to be for lingerie, sweets was the only option.

The Bean feast Month was:
3 packets of toffee flavoured whoopie pies, 2 x2 pack of carrot cake cup cales 1 x 2 pack of choc button cupcake, 1 chocolate fudge cake, 2 x 2 lemon drizzle cake, 2 x packet of chocolate peanuts + make your own cupcakes= £6.13 left
The comedown is going to be a bitch.

My New Friend Mr Stag

As I left the house this morning, I supported a new addition to the wall, my first response was to get something heavy to squash him in case it got into the house, my second response, damn wish I had my camera. Thinking he was an escaped pet, I googled to see what type of beetle he was, during work. Glad I didn't squash him as they only come out to mate, hes a protected and endangered specie and he has his own charity.
On my way back its still there, in the same spot, so I got my picture after all.

Sorry I have been living pre Internet

I have now fully integrated myself into my new place, and it almost be described as a home, if their was Internet access. Off course I knew on my basic salary that having anything that may provide me with pleasure would have to be sacrificed. Also a further plundering of the vintage collection would be needed to be help part-time course. But I like the job which allows me to sit down, great for my old ladies ankles a result of too much walking in my youth (no free travel then) and 10 years of shop work. Gives me more experience and skills because I still dream of being a Librarian or an Information Officer. If I was a religious person this would be the point I would start praying, but I can honestly say I experienced worse at least 4 times over. Even if I was sick I still wouldn't pray, but may ask for a bible just to read. Uninformed people would say I'm lucky to have a job but I have always chosen the retail industry as people always shop no matter what, and have always avoided working for small retail companies in case they went into administration so luck doesn't come into it, just okay choices. That wont stop me using the other p word, please. Please give me 1 week more overtime so I can survive the 5 week pay months and and save for jury service. Please let me get a second job of 9hrs so I can qualify for tax credits, because it a werid world where you have to work hardly any hours or full time hours for help.
And please let me stick to the careful laid budget I rewrite everyday, no matter the temptation, which this week its a pvc corset but can it be a temptation if you accidently bid for it?

A present to myself because life is hard, and sparkles are cheap!

Moving

I official slipped into my new room and with the amount of boxes that was the case, I spent the weekend cleaning the other parts of the flat, which looked grimy. Cleaning after people seems to be a regularly thing. Wish me luck!

Moving on

While I was packing up my things I found this my Dita Von Teese tribute page which I started it up at University.

Homeless art, when I was merry and heading to a club I bought this from a lovely lady sitting in the subway, my friend gave her a few coins, but I was feeling flush so I bought one of her art pieces.

Slow week

You probably wondering about what I have been doing, well I thought I would do a photo montage.

Thursday browsing

I love cake! And my favourite place to buy cake is from Selfridges in London, really I was there to decide whether I should spend £10 on OPI nail colour Barefoot in Barcelona. I didn't buy it but I saw some skinny types tucking to huge slices of cake. Have you ever watched the 1950's film Pollyanna? Well in the fairground scene, theirs a shot of kids being cut huge slabs of cake, that's how big it was. Unfortunately the red velvet cake didn't taste as nice as it looked, and it was too soft for me to try and cut it into two pieces.

Of course I had to visit Gillian at Alfie's Antique market and couldn't resist purchasing my vintage gold plated french ring. The way I see it, I'm trying to support the vintage economy, last week I went to Angel, Islington which used to be a vintage paradise, but now most of the sellers have had to move on as the landlords have sold their rental space to developers. Their used to be an arcade but know its some posh American brand import clothing line, too boring and preppy for my liking, but I was shocked the arcade had been turned into a shop.


Like Dita I would match rather have vintage jewellery that's big and fake rather then tiny and real, but then again I like the fact they took so much time to make it look like the real deal.